A sharp writer and an eclectic performer, Tea Hacic-Vlahovic is known for her drunk-but-never-not-glorious style, her trademark sense of humor, and a fearlessness in voicing her thoughts. She doesn’t follow standards nor streams: Tea manages to speak about biases and hardships with biting irony in writing as in comedy, while reclaiming a deeply personal, hard-won sense of self-reliance. Since she became a columnist for Vice and Wired Italy, Tea’s been entertaining her readers with honest, crass, and sometimes heart-wrenching depictions of her extravagant life experiences in early 2010s Milan. Now Tea lives in Los Angeles with her husband and Winkle, their dog. We invited her to chat about her first novel, Life of the Party – where her narrative genius shines – and to delve a little deeper into how she became the Tea we know and love. As she retraced a few of the steps that shaped her path, Tea shared with us some pickle-juicy details of the story behind the book.

When did you realize you wanted to write a book – and to make that into a coming of age novel in particular?

I was a troubled teenager, roaming the empty halls of my high school. I’d arrive early to walk around, listen to music and feel sorry for myself. In the girl’s bathroom I found a copy of Weetzie Bat. The cover was an acid soaked fantasy—it dazzled me! The book itself was the size of my hand. By the time the bell rang for third period (I skipped first and second) I’d finished reading it. Weetzie Bat is a bizarre, unhinged, effeminate coming-of-age tale. It’s about a wild girl in Los Angeles. The whole day I was buzzing. I thought, “this is what I must do.”

It took a long time before I was ready. I started blogging, then writing for magazines. The moment I realized I would write Life of the Party was last winter, at an Autogrill between Verona and Milan. Great things happen at Autogrills.

Can you speak about your approach to writing?

Luckily I never studied writing so I have a pure approach. I avoid requesting effort from the reader. My writing should feel inevitable, like stepping in a puddle.

In Life of the Party – as well as in your podcast, and throughout most of your work – there’s a conscious demystification of what “being a woman” entails, and I think you do that at a profound level. However, it’s still quite rare to find equally radical stances among public female voices, especially in Italy. How have you developed such an awareness? Has there ever been a moment or event that made something click?

At an early age I understood the injustice of femininity and refused accept it. I dressed and acted “like a boy” until I was fifteen. I rejected femininity because I dreaded what came with it. The inequality, the sexual pressures, the responsibility of being treated like a woman when you’re a kid—most of all I hated the fact that “girls sucked.” In movies, TV shows and books, girls were never funny or “cool” unless they were someone’s girlfriend. I thought I could avoid that “happening” to me… but eventually I had no choice (how that occurred is for another book). I took a radical approach to my femininity. I decided: “If they (men/society) will do this to me, I will do it to myself, harder.”

I often feel it’s really hard to dismantle the pre-existing conversation on gender roles here in Milan. People usually seem afraid of being shunned. You’ve been vocal about deconstructing assumptions about sexuality, toxic power relations and damaging beliefs surrounding gender for many years. Any tips on how to do that practically? What has your experience in speaking your mind taught you?

My experience was rough! “Going through it” gave me a sort of fearlessness. Knowing “the worst that can happen” sets you free. Speaking my mind and behaving as I wish rarely went well (especially in Italy). Men lash out and punish you. But they’ll do that anyway! So you may as well do what you want. Many women believe that if they “behave” men will protect them. It’s quite the opposite. That being said, don’t be fooled into thinking your rebellion will make a difference to anyone but you! It takes forever to change people. Just yesterday I read a tweet by some guy saying: “I don’t get feminism; of course men can do more things than women. And women take one week off a month.” Another guy added: “If girls want tax-free tampons we should get tax-free condoms.” I saw it on my timeline because one of my friends liked it!

How do you begin to react to that? I considered tweeting: “First of all, women can do many more things than men—ever heard of childbirth? Don’t you know that most “essential” workers getting us through this pandemic are women? Second, we don’t take a week off for our periods—that’s how strong and capable we are! Third, how can you compare condoms to tampons? You only need condoms when you have sex; women need tampons no matter what!” But then I closed the tab and moved on.

Once you engage in such an absurd argument, something that should be obvious, something nobody should have to talk about in 2020, you’ve lost. You’ve allowed your time and patience to be chipped away at by these people. Acknowledging what they say gives them more credit than they deserve. I’m done exhausting myself for idiots! I want to discuss and experience femininity only on the level we are capable of reaching. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! I’m choosing to live that way. If you constantly consider how things are, it’s hard to move forward.

Tragedy and comedy often play on the same field in your work, and I believe there’s a special wisdom to it – to be able to speak openly about the shitty, dark truths of life while being clever and outrageously entertaining too. Could you retrace some of the steps that led you to bring up difficult or painful issues with ease?

I can’t take all the credit, dark humor is in my blood. Croatians are known for going too far for a laugh. So take my genetic disposition and sprinkle in some “hardships” for the perfect recipe! Growing up a Croatian immigrant in America and then becoming an American immigrant in Italy helped my humor flourish. Oh, and feeling hideous my whole life (until recently). Dealing with eating disorders, abusive boyfriends, etc. Comedy gold! That being said, I don’t believe one should joke on the account of others. In that sense I’m a p*ssy.

You’ve been living in LA for a while now. What are the differences between LA, Milan and New York that surprised you or affected you in unexpected ways, if you think about people, places, parties, and life in general?

New York and Milan are similar and LA is another world. Milan and New York are equally brutal and share an aggressive energy. Even when you reach the “top” of New Yorker or Milanese society, violence hangs in the air. Of course, Los Angeles has its share of darkness… just walk down Hollywood Boulevard and get your fill of grit, grime and broken dreams! Still, every bit of it, even Skid Row, has an easy, forgiving vibe. Maybe it’s the sunshine! Milan and New York are great spots to move when you’re young and willing to kill yourself for a dream. LA is where you come to enjoy what you’ve accomplished. Milanese parties are the most glamorous, New York parties are the most vicious and Los Angeles parties are the most… glittery! It’s a healthy sort of fun: swimming pools, crystals, cacti, Botox… the bars close at 2AM. Sure, after-parties are available for self-destructive indulgences but those are in mansions, not basements. You wake up from your overdose and suddenly crave a hike! What I like most about LA is the people act dumber than they are. So you’re pleasantly surprised when they’re literate. In NYC, people act smarter than they are, which is annoying and ultimately disappointing. In Milan, people act richer than they are… which is tragic.

Maybe I feel this way since I moved to LA as a married “adult.” I knew myself, had clear goals and didn’t have to date (or let anyone take advantage of me). Perhaps if I’d moved here rather than Milan at twenty, I’d feel differently. Maybe I’d be buried under the Hollywood sign! You know what they say: “it wasn’t a simpler time, it was a simpler you.”

Tell me about Winkle! How is she? What do you love the most about her? And does she ever tease you?

Winkle is my best friend and the loveliest little creature! She’s originally from Puerto Rico, she was found on the dusty streets selling crack to tourists. We adopted her in New York. She’s lived in Brooklyn, Milan and LA since then and traveled to dozens of cities. I’m convinced somewhere in her pink belly she’s got an “airplane mode” button. It switches on the moment a plane lifts off with her under the seat in front of me.

What I love most about Winkle is her joyful, generous spirit. She’s an optimist, she believes in the kindness of others, she believes that every dog or human deserve a chance to impress her (aside French Bulldogs). She teases me often; she hates when I’m drunk and she avoids letting me cuddle her then… her efforts are futile. The days I wake up with a hangover, she wakes up with my lipstick on her fur.

Last but not least: drinking while homebound. Time can feel weirdly stretched these days, and sometimes wine gets the best of me. I think that’s because drinking is both celebratory and consoling. Anyway, I’d like to ask you to name two things: your go-to homemade cocktail and your favorite hangover cure.

Dirty vodka martini with pickle juice. Fill up a large cup with ice, I’d say at least seven ice cubes. Add two shots of vodka, half a teaspoon of vermouth and a shot of pickle juice. Cover the big cup with a smaller cup and shake it all up until your arms are sore. Pour the drink into your fanciest glass, add a small pickle as garnish and enjoy! My hangover cure is pickle juice straight from the jar :)